What is Phubbing?

Have you ever been in a conversation with a friend, only to feel them suddenly drift away as they check their phone? You may have felt like you were no longer the priority. There’s a term for this behavior—it’s called phubbing. The term was created by an Australian advertising agency in 2012 and is a combination of "phone" and "snubbing." Phubbing occurs when someone uses their phone during a face-to-face conversation, prioritizing their device over the person they're speaking with. But phubbing doesn’t just hurt friendships—it can also deeply impact family dynamics, especially between parents and children.

Phubbing and Its Impact on Relationships

Phubbing can seriously damage relationships, especially romantic ones. Research conducted by James Roberts and Meredith David from Baylor University found that people who are frequently phubbed by their partners report lower relationship satisfaction. It’s easy to understand why—when someone pulls out their phone in the middle of a conversation, it sends the message that their device is more important than the person they’re with. This can lead to feelings of neglect, resentment, and even insecurity in the relationship.

It’s not just romantic relationships that suffer from phubbing. Friendships and even work relationships can be strained when one person constantly checks their phone during interactions. But perhaps the most concerning impact of phubbing is how it affects parent-child relationships.

Technoference: The Parent-Child Dynamic

When it comes to parenting, phubbing takes on a broader meaning and is often referred to as technoference. Technoference involves the intrusion of technology, such as phones, laptops, or video games, into face-to-face interactions between parents and children. The results of this behavior can be more damaging than you might think.

Research has shown that technoference disrupts parent-child attachment, communication, and development. In fact, a study found that children who experienced frequent technoference exhibited more behavioral problems, including hyperactivity, mood swings, and difficulty regulating their emotions. Over time, this behavior can also lead to issues with emotional development, making it harder for children to form healthy relationships and regulate their emotions effectively.

How Technoference Affects Children's Development

The implications of technoference go beyond short-term behavior problems. When parents focus more on their devices than their children, it can lead to children feeling undervalued and ignored. This lack of attention can decrease a child’s self-esteem, which in turn may contribute to long-term social development issues.

Studies have shown that parents who are frequently distracted by their devices are more likely to have children who experience higher levels of anxiety, depression, and trouble with peer relationships. These children may struggle to form meaningful connections with others, as they’ve learned from an early age that relationships come second to technology.

It’s Not Just About the Devices

It’s important to note that phubbing and technoference are not the sole causes of these issues. While research shows that these behaviors can contribute to problems like anxiety or depression, they’re just one part of a larger picture. Occasionally checking your phone in front of your child doesn’t mean they’re doomed to a lifetime of emotional struggles. The key is moderation and mindfulness.

How to Minimize Phubbing and Technoference

So, what can we do to limit the negative effects of phubbing and technoference in our relationships and parenting? The solution starts with being mindful of how and when we use technology around others, especially our loved ones.

Here are a few tips to reduce phubbing and technoference:

1. Set Phone-Free Zones: Establish specific areas or times when phones and other devices are off-limits. For example, make mealtime a phone-free zone, or designate family outings as device-free experiences.

2. Practice Mindfulness: Be aware of how often you reach for your phone during conversations. If you find yourself constantly checking notifications, ask yourself if it’s truly necessary to do so at that moment.

3. Model Healthy Behavior: Remember that children learn by example. When you’re fully present during interactions with your child, you’re modeling good behavior that they’re likely to adopt as they grow.

4. Turn Off Notifications: Constant pings and buzzes can be distracting. Try turning off non-essential notifications during important family moments, or set your phone to “Do Not Disturb” mode during specific times.

5. Create Device-Free Times: Consider setting aside specific periods during the day where no devices are allowed, such as during bedtime routines or family game nights.

Be Present with Your Loved Ones

Phubbing and technoference may seem like minor inconveniences, but their impact on relationships and child development can be profound. When we prioritize our devices over face-to-face interactions, we risk damaging the emotional bonds that connect us with those we care about most.

The good news is that small changes can make a big difference. By being more mindful about how we use technology and setting boundaries for device use, we can strengthen our relationships and create a healthier environment for our children.

So, next time you’re with a friend or family member, try putting your phone away and giving them your full attention. You might be surprised at how much deeper your connections become.

References:

Komanchuk, J., Toews, A. J., Marshall, S., Mackay, L. J., Hayden, K. A., Cameron, J. L., Duffett-Leger, L., & Letourneau, N. (2023). Impacts of parental technoference on parent–child relationships and child health and developmental outcomes: A scoping review. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking. https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2022.0278

McDaniel, B. T., & Radesky, J. S. (2018). Technoference: Parent distraction with technology and associations with child behavior problems. Child Development, 89(1), 100–109. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.12822

Roberts, J. A., & David, M. E. (2016). My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners. Computers in Human Behavior, 54, 134–141. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2015.07.058